Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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