Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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