I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
