Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
