You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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