My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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