It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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