i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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