i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
