i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
