dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
