Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
