My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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