If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
