Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am naked and annoyed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
