I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
