youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
