What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
