dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
