So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
