He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
