help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
