i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
