I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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