The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
