Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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