The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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