I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He has the fingertips of a God
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