I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
