i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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