i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
