Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
