I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
