I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
