I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
