How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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