yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
