We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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