this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
