Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well you can't waste a boner
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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