you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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