I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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