so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wanna go halves on a baby?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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