Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
