I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
try to milk me bitch
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
