And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
