I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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