My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
