You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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