I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
