those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
