Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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