so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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