yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
