I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
