a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
