Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
