is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
