Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
