That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
