This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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