We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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