Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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