oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
