He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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