I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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