I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
