Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
