Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
