my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
